My toxic friend.. and maybe a little Gossip.? By Laurie Jackson 1/10/2012

My toxic friend.. and maybe a little Gossip.? By Laurie Jackson 1/10/2012

I’ve known this friend for years. I think I met her when I was about 7 years old when we lived in a town called Birchwood. I hung out with her all the time even though she made me feel terrible and full of anxiety. She was the most annoying friend I knew. I look back and wonder why I hung out with her so much and for so many years. I still see her once in awhile. I always ask myself why she was my friend. Sometime later in life I got smarter so when she’d call I’d check the caller i.d to make sure it wasn’t her and if it was her, I wouldn’t answer it. I always felt such a relief when she didn’t knock on my door or call me. I didn’t know about healthy boundaries or any of that stuff back then.

I think I figured out why I hung out with her a lot. When we were together I felt empowered and almost in control of anything but when she would leave, I swear after every visit, I felt like crap. When I first met her, like I said, around 7 yrs old she would force me to play this game in my bedroom. I would be in there cleaning and organizing my stuff and someone would knock on my door. She would tell me to get really nervous and protective about my stuff that was perfectly organized. My family members, especially my sister, would pick up on the game and try to play it with us. She would take one of my knick-knacks and move it just slightly. My friend told me to freak out on her and move the knick-knack back immediately. I always wanted to play the game but it wasn’t fun at all. It made me feel extremely aggravated and almost to tears when we’d play this stupid ass game. Sometimes she would come over and notice that the house was a little messy and convince me to clean the whole house so my mom would be happy. I would spend hours making everything perfect. I even remember sweeping the dirt by the door so it would be noticeably clean and neat. Every time she left my house, I felt exhausted, aggravated and very depressed. When I got older in my teen years she would come over and play these games, leave and then come right back over during my depressed episode, but she wouldn’t try to get me out of the depression she would suggest another game called binge eating. One time we had an entire pie from the store right out of the box. I hated myself when we played that game. She was right there agreeing with how lousy I was too. She suggested we play the starve yourself game just after that. Sometimes I would play that game with her all day and maybe the next. I started to try to avoid her but felt so controlled for so long I had become a victim of her stupid little games. She was extremely overbearing!

I forgot to tell you her name. Meet my most toxic friend, “Extreme.” Yes her name is Extreme. Isn’t that a weird name? Extreme, I’d say.

When I was in my early twenties, I moved into a cute little apartment complex with my new husband off Meadow Street. I became pregnant about 6 months after we moved there. I also met another friend. Her name? Wisdom. She was the coolest friend I ever met. I didn’t see her often enough. She would call a lot but I usually waited to be with her on my good days. When we hung out I felt so peaceful and she would make me laugh at myself. She was very fun to be around. Now, when she left I felt sad but she always left me with something that made me think all day long. I started calling her a lot more and she was always willing to come over for coffee or tea. She had some great advice about my diet during my pregnancy. We talked a lot about this, 10 months or so and I did just about everything she told me to do. I drank water, exercised moderately and tried to eat lots of fruits and veggies. I never felt better. After I had our first child, we still hung out a lot but sometimes Extreme would call and I would pick up the phone and actually invite her over! My friend wisdom would try and call me when she saw Extremes’ car parked in our carport but I rarely took her call.

When I was in my later 20’s, Extreme and I hung out a lot and she would always bring the alcohol. After this one episode of me throwing up in the toilet and practically dying from alcohol consumption, I never once played that game with her for fourteen years. I think a few years ago I was caught off guard but Extreme wasn’t actually there, my sister had brought over some really great wine and I sincerely lost track. Extreme was probably watching through the window, because I rarely let her in now.

I haven’t seen Extreme for a few months now and when I do see her I usually call Wisdom for moral support. About twelve years ago Wisdom told me she knew Extremes’ parents. Their names didn’t surprise me, Fear and Control. Her dad’s name was Fear and her mom’s name was Control. No wonder.? Wisdom informed me that her dad is God and her mothers name is Humility. She truly admires her parents! ☺ I do too.

After spending a lot of time with Wisdom, she and I became very good friends and a few years ago I wrote her a song. I’ll copy and paste the words here:


SHE IS AMAZING …. Laurie Jackson 2-08

She is amazing there in the beginning When God created the earth and sea

Her name is wisdom, God created her as a treasure for kings and queens to seek
(I will bow before God)
Far more precious then diamonds and rubies, far more precious then silver and Gold
It’s an honor for me to seek her as treasure I want to know her more… Wisdom of old

Humility comes before her she will teach you to fear your God
A humble heart precedes honor

she will teach you to bow
she will teach you to bow down
Before God Before your God
I will bow before God. I will bow down before God.

She was the first of all Gods work, appointed from eternity
(I will bow before God)
day after day she was filled with joy, Rejoicing always in our king

She’s so glad about this world God created, she’s taking delight in all mankind
In her ways are peace and safety, prosperity honor and life.

Those who ask God for wisdom, He will give abundantly
(I will bow before God)
Jut don’t doubt her and if you doubt her you’ll be tossed around with the wind and sea
Wisdom will be the same for tomorrow for today and yesterday
With her, is the path of the lesser sorrow but her cost requires all your life and all your days.

I usually have coffee and counsel time with Wisdom every morning. She often quotes proverbs 3:5 and I’m learning how right she is.

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