Damned if ya do, damned if ya don’t… by Laurie Jackson 5/23/2010
Okay, so I got to thinking about how “shame” is so attached to my heart and now that I can see it in one area of my life it is like I see that most of my actions and motives are based on shame! I can see clearly that most everything in my life is tainted in some way, by shame. Do I have to do this or do I get to do this?
Let me explain the title. Damned if ya do and damned if ya don’t. Have you ever struggled with your weight or any other thing you feel guilty or obligated about? I should workout, I should call that person, and I should do this or that. It Reminds me of the infamous saying: “Don’t should on yourself.” Then there are days when I wake up and I am so excited about what I GET to do that day. I love these days!
I’m looking inside my heart today and asking myself what is the difference in this shame based attitude, from the I “get to” attitude?
I believe, for me anyway, it comes down to one, or rather two questions. “Do I feel manipulated and controlled about doing something or do I personally and genuinely have a desire to do a thing?”
There are people who are truly satisfied to have a relationship based on manipulation, control and trying to put shame on you. They are satisfied “pretending” that you are glad to talk to them and visit with them. Personally, I would not want someone to feel this way about me. If I look deep in my heart I may “want” to call a person, but if they project this needy attitude full of victimization that gives way to manipulating and trying to control me to be there friend then I end up wanting to run and hide from these kind of relationships. But then this causes the person to manipulate the relationship even more and causes me to want to gasp for air and get away from the relationship as quick as possible.
I think so many marriages and many relationships are caught up in this sort of thing. So “damned if ya do and damned if ya don’t”… you feel trapped! I think the only remedy is to have a type of separation from the toxic relationship and then when everyone is “okay” and detoxed from this unhealthy need of you, and then maybe, just maybe, you can have some type of healthy relationship.
My husband and I actually went through this many years ago. We did not quite separate but I did separate emotionally from him and I learned to get my emotional needs met from developing a deeper and more dependent relationship with God and even ended up connecting better to myself. This actually made my husband and my relationship much healthier. ☺ Go figure.
The same goes for our relationship with food and exercise or anything else we “should” do. We obviously were made to eat and move our bodies as well as many other things in life. We were created to enjoy our food and even enjoy healthy living. This area has also been so warped with shame and obligation. I can’t quite explain how or when I feel free from this but it has something to do with being okay with myself no matter what I’m eating or if I worked out that day. It seems when I completely dispose of any perfectionist, unrealistic and or even “non-conformist” type of attitudes. When I allow myself to be a flexible human -being. I supposed being “okay” with what I may need to feel on any given day. Not relying on shame or guilt to be my motivator but rather motivated by truth and love for each moment. If I eat too much or exercise too little just telling myself, “you are on a journey and your value does not rely on what you look like or even feel like.”
Shame is all over the place. We live in such a performance based society full of competition and images that promise happiness. Images of what happiness looks like i.e.: family, friendship, work/careers or our body image. We have all heard happiness does not come from outer circumstances or appearances. Seriously, in some ways this is true but in some ways it’s a really stupid cliché’. Imagine having everyone you loved taken away from you. Or imagine if you had a serious health condition that caused you to swell up and loose any or all-outer beauty and or all your vitality. Would any of us really be happy? I wouldn’t even have the audacity to say that I would or could feel happy.
Job, from the big, bad, bible story did, or did he? Was Job truly happy while going through it, was he? It says that God restored double for his trouble but I could never understand that if Job really loved his kids and wife, how could God just replace them with “other” people. This was obviously over a lot of time… Months, years and more like decades. “Time” to heal and grow seems to be an important factor in all this.
So, I think I’m giving up on all this stuff I do in pretense, obligation and completely shame based. Of course tomorrow I will do stuff that I don’t “feel” like doing but, I’m asking God to continue to show me how to live loved, live in His truth, and not live out of any shame and truly experience more freedom.
I have tried to make this happen for myself, but time and time again I find that my efforts are a dead end road. When I wait on God to transform me into a free, loving person I end up waking up and noticing that some of my shame based attitudes are gone. How does He do it? I don’t know exactly, but I think it has something to do with taking shame out of my thinking and affirming His love for me personally and causing me to actually experience His perfect Love in my daily life. This is vague and it even seems like some sort of rhetoric that I’ve heard before. So far, it’s the only way that seems to bring fruit on my tree. When I just stand there and receive all of Gods provision, nutrients, light and living water, the tree just grows a “little” each day. When I look back a year ago, it seems more visible, but even then, I try not to look back too often. This seems to hinder me more then help.
However, whenever and whatever means God chooses. God is NOT shame. God is Love. It is His kindness and mercy that leads us to a transformed life of really knowing His love for us so we can honestly extend that love to others. Not shame, obligation and performance based living.
This is where I seem to be these days on this life journey. Let me know more about your journey. I love hearing what God is doing in all of you too. ☺
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Thursday, May 6, 2010
WOULD GOD REALLY...? By Laurie Jackson 5/6/2010
WOULD GOD REALLY…? by Laurie Jackson 5/6/2010
Would God really, and on purpose, lead someone down a road to sabotage his or her life? I don’t believe this for a minute but after last year, I’m convinced that God would lead you down a road that could cost all your comfort, familiarity, and reputation and even seem to take away your closest friendships. Would God actually lead us to a place of desolation or a wilderness? For His higher purposes of Love, I believe that He would and He led me there.
Last year around March my life went haywire because I heard God speak very clearly to me. You may say, God does not give fear and His yoke is easy and light. I completely agree, but has God ever told you to “do it afraid?” Or has He ever told you to do something that wasn’t easy? The fruit of His spirit is easy and light and the fruit of Love does cast out fear. Fruit is a process of growth it’s not instant. Because I listened to the Holy Sprits leading, and He knew I would, my life lost all it’s familiar comforts and grooves I had established. Before I tell you more, let me interject a short story about our daughter having seizures a few years back.
God asked me if I could trust His love for me, when our daughter was having seizures a few years ago. I basically said "Hell No!” seriously. I said, "What kind of God are you that you would take our child?" Anyway, because God is so good and He knew the depths of my heart even more then I knew myself; I totally ended up trusting Him there. Not immediately, but He led me and comforted me through the process. I was never the same after the process of experiencing His comfort during the few years our daughter was having seizures. My level of trust in Him and my understanding of His ways grew up a few notches. She ended up getting sick and hospitalized a year after all the seizures for a different ailment and then, it was “Light and easy” I actually felt guilty for not worrying so much and asked God if I was disconnected from my emotions and maybe I didn’t love my daughter. His answer surprised me. He said this is a peace that surpasses your own understanding. When you really walk this journey out with Him the scriptures start making way more sense. I have not had that kind of peace since then or before then. I can get a little glimpse of how the characters in the bible had the power of His grace to get through some of the most horrific experiences though.
In John 6:28 the disciples asked Jesus what the “work” of God is. Jesus responded and said, “The work of God is to believe in me.” It takes a lot of work to believe God at times. The fruit of believing God is Love, Power and a sound mind… oh and then you tell everyone that Gods ways are easy and light after you’ve grown a few inches. Gods’ ways are easy and light. It’s our way that is hard to give up.
Love always protects. How can this be, if Gods people are dieing left and right? I’m starting to grasp, just a little of Gods wisdom. Gods’ love doesn’t protect what we deem as valuable but what He knows is of value. Our faith is more valuable to Him and Love is the greatest concern to Him. It seems like the only time Faith and Love get developed and actually grow, is in the trials and tribulations of life. How easy is it to Love someone who is always nice to you. How easy would it be to Love a person who hurt your child or molested your child? How easy is it to have faith and trust God when things are smooth and peachy? I’ve prayed prayers to God like this: “God do whatever you need to do to keep me close to you.” It’s no wonder that He asked me to do a very hard thing last year. I completely followed Him out of all my comfort zones. I’m only beginning to see how important it was that I trusted Him and followed his lead. His Love always protects. If He doesn’t protect the way you think He should then just hang tight. He’ll give you His Love chat. Love also bears all things and endures all things… Love will not fail!
To follow Jesus, when it seems like you are causing others pain by doing it, is very confusing. God’s love is so much deeper then some of our little Love concepts. There is always sacrifice involved in Loving. He always has the best interests for all His people. Everyone is of equal concern in Gods family. He went to the cross and asked God to forgive the Pharisees because they didn’t realize what they were doing. The sacrifice is the hardest for those who are called to the cross on behalf of others.
I learned so much about Gods ways this year. I wouldn’t go back and change anything. I wonder how some of those bible characters felt when God seemed to lead them and guide them in a direction that felt “extremely” uncomfortable. I won’t give any details of my trial. I will tell you that there was not anyplace or any person I could turn to for quite some time. The only comfort I had was God. Like I said, it’s worth following Him. His ways are just not like we plan. But His ways lead to Love, Peace, Joy and so much more. The prize is that you get to know the God of creation better. He led me to some amazing people that I would have never met had I stayed in the nest. To think that we can know Him so personally is crazy and amazing at the same time. The fact that we are in His image is mind-boggling. Wow!
If you are in a trial just look this guy named, Nick Vujicic up on you-tube. He is a man with no arms and legs. He has such a gift of encouragement just for you! ☺
Thanks for sharing this sometimes scary, fun, exciting, hard, seemingly crazy and forever rewarding journey with me.
Would God really, and on purpose, lead someone down a road to sabotage his or her life? I don’t believe this for a minute but after last year, I’m convinced that God would lead you down a road that could cost all your comfort, familiarity, and reputation and even seem to take away your closest friendships. Would God actually lead us to a place of desolation or a wilderness? For His higher purposes of Love, I believe that He would and He led me there.
Last year around March my life went haywire because I heard God speak very clearly to me. You may say, God does not give fear and His yoke is easy and light. I completely agree, but has God ever told you to “do it afraid?” Or has He ever told you to do something that wasn’t easy? The fruit of His spirit is easy and light and the fruit of Love does cast out fear. Fruit is a process of growth it’s not instant. Because I listened to the Holy Sprits leading, and He knew I would, my life lost all it’s familiar comforts and grooves I had established. Before I tell you more, let me interject a short story about our daughter having seizures a few years back.
God asked me if I could trust His love for me, when our daughter was having seizures a few years ago. I basically said "Hell No!” seriously. I said, "What kind of God are you that you would take our child?" Anyway, because God is so good and He knew the depths of my heart even more then I knew myself; I totally ended up trusting Him there. Not immediately, but He led me and comforted me through the process. I was never the same after the process of experiencing His comfort during the few years our daughter was having seizures. My level of trust in Him and my understanding of His ways grew up a few notches. She ended up getting sick and hospitalized a year after all the seizures for a different ailment and then, it was “Light and easy” I actually felt guilty for not worrying so much and asked God if I was disconnected from my emotions and maybe I didn’t love my daughter. His answer surprised me. He said this is a peace that surpasses your own understanding. When you really walk this journey out with Him the scriptures start making way more sense. I have not had that kind of peace since then or before then. I can get a little glimpse of how the characters in the bible had the power of His grace to get through some of the most horrific experiences though.
In John 6:28 the disciples asked Jesus what the “work” of God is. Jesus responded and said, “The work of God is to believe in me.” It takes a lot of work to believe God at times. The fruit of believing God is Love, Power and a sound mind… oh and then you tell everyone that Gods ways are easy and light after you’ve grown a few inches. Gods’ ways are easy and light. It’s our way that is hard to give up.
Love always protects. How can this be, if Gods people are dieing left and right? I’m starting to grasp, just a little of Gods wisdom. Gods’ love doesn’t protect what we deem as valuable but what He knows is of value. Our faith is more valuable to Him and Love is the greatest concern to Him. It seems like the only time Faith and Love get developed and actually grow, is in the trials and tribulations of life. How easy is it to Love someone who is always nice to you. How easy would it be to Love a person who hurt your child or molested your child? How easy is it to have faith and trust God when things are smooth and peachy? I’ve prayed prayers to God like this: “God do whatever you need to do to keep me close to you.” It’s no wonder that He asked me to do a very hard thing last year. I completely followed Him out of all my comfort zones. I’m only beginning to see how important it was that I trusted Him and followed his lead. His Love always protects. If He doesn’t protect the way you think He should then just hang tight. He’ll give you His Love chat. Love also bears all things and endures all things… Love will not fail!
To follow Jesus, when it seems like you are causing others pain by doing it, is very confusing. God’s love is so much deeper then some of our little Love concepts. There is always sacrifice involved in Loving. He always has the best interests for all His people. Everyone is of equal concern in Gods family. He went to the cross and asked God to forgive the Pharisees because they didn’t realize what they were doing. The sacrifice is the hardest for those who are called to the cross on behalf of others.
I learned so much about Gods ways this year. I wouldn’t go back and change anything. I wonder how some of those bible characters felt when God seemed to lead them and guide them in a direction that felt “extremely” uncomfortable. I won’t give any details of my trial. I will tell you that there was not anyplace or any person I could turn to for quite some time. The only comfort I had was God. Like I said, it’s worth following Him. His ways are just not like we plan. But His ways lead to Love, Peace, Joy and so much more. The prize is that you get to know the God of creation better. He led me to some amazing people that I would have never met had I stayed in the nest. To think that we can know Him so personally is crazy and amazing at the same time. The fact that we are in His image is mind-boggling. Wow!
If you are in a trial just look this guy named, Nick Vujicic up on you-tube. He is a man with no arms and legs. He has such a gift of encouragement just for you! ☺
Thanks for sharing this sometimes scary, fun, exciting, hard, seemingly crazy and forever rewarding journey with me.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
BRAIN REACTIONS: By Laurie Jackson 5/4/2010
BRAIN REACTIONS…. By Laurie Jackson 5/2/2010
There is so much they have found about the brain these days. I read a book entitled “Who Switched Off My Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf a couple of years ago. It was an amazing book and I highly recommend it. I ended up getting some videos at the library on the brain and got really into how the whole brain functions. It was fascinating, to me anyway. ☺
On my treadmill today I started thinking about the show “The Biggest Loser” and how hard they try and make positive changes. I think to myself, I’m glad I only need to lose 5 pounds here and there. That show motivates me to continue to workout and eat right. I would never want to have to lose that much weight.
But on the other hand, I’ve been making some very difficult changes about how I process my thoughts. Challenging myself to think more rational and truthful thoughts. Like our physical body, we can literally change and transform our brain. I used to think I had little control over my thoughts. I suppose, to some, that would be as irrational as hearing an obese person say to a thin person that they have no control over what they eat. What is hard for one person may be easy to another and vice versa. Of course there are so many reasons for this, I’m not even going to try to write about just what I personally know. Everyone reading this knows a little about why this would be so. “Only God can help us now” Can be a moment of truth for so many of us at certain times in our lives. His grace is sufficient and I do believe there are times when He understands that we don’t even know how to help ourselves and this is when He waves His power over our situation. Like any father, He also wants us learn to use wisely the brainpower He has given us.
I’ve also been watching the show “Ruby” on the style channel. Tonight there is a two-hour special, in case you are reading this and want to tune in. Apparently I have some readers “incognito.” ☺ Ruby is a show about a woman who used to weigh over 700 lbs and is now down to 300 something. Her story is a testimony of hope and the reality of changed thinking patterns.
So let me get back to the title of this blog. We can choose to make a positive thought choices and it will literally create certain chemical reactions and build positive neuro pathways in our brains, hence the title, “Brain Reactions.” Our thought choices make Physical reactions in our brain. A diet for our mind is just as, or more important as the diet we choose for our bodies. Of course we can’t separate these two. ☺ I think we would have to be beheaded or something. ☺ The same is true when we choose destructive thoughts. We all know what is positive and negative. I used to hate when someone told me to think positive. It’s like telling an obese person to just workout and eat right. Honestly, when your mind has been lazy, or on a wrong pattern for years, it looks like those people on the “Biggest Loser” show. It’s not easy, and you need to learn how to think positive and know basic problem solving skills and expose where you may be thinking destructively. We may even need a coach like Julian, God forbid. I’m just joking, Julian really helps so many people. I believe her mother is a psychologist. Julian seems to use some psycho - therapy when she is coaching.
Some of us were taught how to deal with problems in a destructive way opposed to a positive way. I researched this sight called “Uncommon Knowledge” it is an excellent resource to communicate basic problem solving skills, etc. They are actually teaching their program in many elementary schools all around the world. It seems so basic, how to eat right, how to think right. Yet we can get so off into la la land and we don’t even realize how destructive our thoughts are. We all have the propensity to think crazy at times.
I’ve mentioned two shows, let me mention a third and give away the fact that maybe I watch a lot of T.V. “The Super Nanny.” I watch this show sometimes and can barely believe the parents, let alone the demonic kids! But when you are taught how to think wrong you can easily be taught right. The super nanny does this in a few days. There is so much work involved at first. Like a rocket getting off the ground, it takes so much fuel to retrain your thinking but soon your up and away while using a lot less fuel.
Working out for me is so easy compared to some. Not because I’m better, but because I’ve done the mind work in that area for years. My friend is taking a calculus class. At this moment it would not be rational for me to take a calculus class. I would need so much prep work. So a good point to make here is that we should expect “work” when we begin to get serious about changing stuff in our lives. That is why people who go on any quick fix, wacky, wild diet plan or any kind of plan to change their life, end up not having lasting life change. The truth is that real change takes time and a lot of effort on our part.
I heard a counselor tell someone that they needed to learn to counsel him or herself. This is what it comes down to. We must use our own will to make our own changes in life. The other option is be lazy and never change. Even the good changes we’ve already made require continued maintenance. I am not over weight, but I most certainly could be if I chose to discontinue healthy habits. I’m often tempted to not do my workout and or eat like I did when I was 15 years old. ☺
To be lazy, in any area of your life is not fun. If we are honest, we love to work and be challenged. We were created to live and move and be stretched as human beings. We were created to work “it” out. So if you’re like me, you want changes in your life with little to no effort. This is the point of my blog. To encourage myself my readers and the readers that are “incognito” to be realistic about the “work” part. Remember one good decision leads to a “brain reaction” and then this usually leads to a positive domino effect. Good choices typically help us make more good choices etc. ☺
Keep on keep’n on. BTW when we smile and or laugh this creates motivating chemical “Brain reactions.” Take charge of your own thoughts and let your brain work for you and not against you. I’m thinking this is what God meant when He said He wants us to renew our minds.
He wants the best for his kids and I don’t think He is willing to wave His magic wand and watch our brains atrophy and wither away into nothingness. He wants us to find our brainpower and use it to choose life. His hope when He created our “Brain reactions” was so that they would work for us, not against us.
Let’s partner with our magnificently created brain and our amazing creator of it and choose life giving “brain reactions.”
Thanks for reading. When I started this blog I seriously had no idea that it would begin some amazing conversations with so many incredible people.
Thank you all for this, Laurie
There is so much they have found about the brain these days. I read a book entitled “Who Switched Off My Brain” by Dr. Caroline Leaf a couple of years ago. It was an amazing book and I highly recommend it. I ended up getting some videos at the library on the brain and got really into how the whole brain functions. It was fascinating, to me anyway. ☺
On my treadmill today I started thinking about the show “The Biggest Loser” and how hard they try and make positive changes. I think to myself, I’m glad I only need to lose 5 pounds here and there. That show motivates me to continue to workout and eat right. I would never want to have to lose that much weight.
But on the other hand, I’ve been making some very difficult changes about how I process my thoughts. Challenging myself to think more rational and truthful thoughts. Like our physical body, we can literally change and transform our brain. I used to think I had little control over my thoughts. I suppose, to some, that would be as irrational as hearing an obese person say to a thin person that they have no control over what they eat. What is hard for one person may be easy to another and vice versa. Of course there are so many reasons for this, I’m not even going to try to write about just what I personally know. Everyone reading this knows a little about why this would be so. “Only God can help us now” Can be a moment of truth for so many of us at certain times in our lives. His grace is sufficient and I do believe there are times when He understands that we don’t even know how to help ourselves and this is when He waves His power over our situation. Like any father, He also wants us learn to use wisely the brainpower He has given us.
I’ve also been watching the show “Ruby” on the style channel. Tonight there is a two-hour special, in case you are reading this and want to tune in. Apparently I have some readers “incognito.” ☺ Ruby is a show about a woman who used to weigh over 700 lbs and is now down to 300 something. Her story is a testimony of hope and the reality of changed thinking patterns.
So let me get back to the title of this blog. We can choose to make a positive thought choices and it will literally create certain chemical reactions and build positive neuro pathways in our brains, hence the title, “Brain Reactions.” Our thought choices make Physical reactions in our brain. A diet for our mind is just as, or more important as the diet we choose for our bodies. Of course we can’t separate these two. ☺ I think we would have to be beheaded or something. ☺ The same is true when we choose destructive thoughts. We all know what is positive and negative. I used to hate when someone told me to think positive. It’s like telling an obese person to just workout and eat right. Honestly, when your mind has been lazy, or on a wrong pattern for years, it looks like those people on the “Biggest Loser” show. It’s not easy, and you need to learn how to think positive and know basic problem solving skills and expose where you may be thinking destructively. We may even need a coach like Julian, God forbid. I’m just joking, Julian really helps so many people. I believe her mother is a psychologist. Julian seems to use some psycho - therapy when she is coaching.
Some of us were taught how to deal with problems in a destructive way opposed to a positive way. I researched this sight called “Uncommon Knowledge” it is an excellent resource to communicate basic problem solving skills, etc. They are actually teaching their program in many elementary schools all around the world. It seems so basic, how to eat right, how to think right. Yet we can get so off into la la land and we don’t even realize how destructive our thoughts are. We all have the propensity to think crazy at times.
I’ve mentioned two shows, let me mention a third and give away the fact that maybe I watch a lot of T.V. “The Super Nanny.” I watch this show sometimes and can barely believe the parents, let alone the demonic kids! But when you are taught how to think wrong you can easily be taught right. The super nanny does this in a few days. There is so much work involved at first. Like a rocket getting off the ground, it takes so much fuel to retrain your thinking but soon your up and away while using a lot less fuel.
Working out for me is so easy compared to some. Not because I’m better, but because I’ve done the mind work in that area for years. My friend is taking a calculus class. At this moment it would not be rational for me to take a calculus class. I would need so much prep work. So a good point to make here is that we should expect “work” when we begin to get serious about changing stuff in our lives. That is why people who go on any quick fix, wacky, wild diet plan or any kind of plan to change their life, end up not having lasting life change. The truth is that real change takes time and a lot of effort on our part.
I heard a counselor tell someone that they needed to learn to counsel him or herself. This is what it comes down to. We must use our own will to make our own changes in life. The other option is be lazy and never change. Even the good changes we’ve already made require continued maintenance. I am not over weight, but I most certainly could be if I chose to discontinue healthy habits. I’m often tempted to not do my workout and or eat like I did when I was 15 years old. ☺
To be lazy, in any area of your life is not fun. If we are honest, we love to work and be challenged. We were created to live and move and be stretched as human beings. We were created to work “it” out. So if you’re like me, you want changes in your life with little to no effort. This is the point of my blog. To encourage myself my readers and the readers that are “incognito” to be realistic about the “work” part. Remember one good decision leads to a “brain reaction” and then this usually leads to a positive domino effect. Good choices typically help us make more good choices etc. ☺
Keep on keep’n on. BTW when we smile and or laugh this creates motivating chemical “Brain reactions.” Take charge of your own thoughts and let your brain work for you and not against you. I’m thinking this is what God meant when He said He wants us to renew our minds.
He wants the best for his kids and I don’t think He is willing to wave His magic wand and watch our brains atrophy and wither away into nothingness. He wants us to find our brainpower and use it to choose life. His hope when He created our “Brain reactions” was so that they would work for us, not against us.
Let’s partner with our magnificently created brain and our amazing creator of it and choose life giving “brain reactions.”
Thanks for reading. When I started this blog I seriously had no idea that it would begin some amazing conversations with so many incredible people.
Thank you all for this, Laurie
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