Risky business ~ by Laurie Jackson

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“With the risk of being known comes the risk of being misunderstood.”

I posted this on face book today and couldn’t help thinking about all that this means to me.  I felt like writing about it, plus it helps me process my own thoughts as I write them out. 

             If I die knowing that I’ve been my true self, I’ll feel I’ve done what I was made to do, which was to be who God made me to be.  The people I feel mostly loved by are the ones who have taken the time and have the patience and wisdom to understand me.  The people who do this in general are patient, willing and have the power to extend grace. I believe the only way we can extend these good virtues are if we’ve received them for ourselves. The most loving person of all must know you better then you know yourself, have all wisdom and complete understanding… of course I’m talking about God.  This is why God can love us so completely but we can only love him partly.  We just don’t have total omniscience, wisdom and the understanding to do any better.  I believe this is what God is teaching us through his Holy Sprit day to day, to know Him is to Love Him. He has been Misunderstood more then any of us.  My friend Darin Hufford, penned one of the best books I’ve ever read called, The Misunderstood God.  I loved every bit of it!  I’ve been totally frustrated with God and His ways at times and I’m certain I will go through this again, but so far I just end up loving Him all the more after a hard trial, task or wilderness season.

            Identity has been a huge issue in my life albeit to a fault at times.  I’ve always wanted to know my self, motives and purpose for life more than anything else.  I’ve also sought to be perfectly known only to never accomplish this and cause much frustration for myself.  This is where grace and mercy must become a strong force.  To have true intimacy is dangerous but can be tremendously rewarding.  I believe in healthy boundaries, as my personality tends to want to tell all, I’ve had to learn the hard way.  Wisdom will guide us to guard our hearts at times as well as teach us much more in regard to healthy boundaries, especially those of us whose boundaries have been personally violated at any given time.  This is more then likely all of us.

            This seems so sad for God because I don’t feel we people have the full capacity to love Him completely.  The verse 1 Corinthians 13 makes us realize that we will one day see him face to face and be complete in our faith, hope and love! Then I believe we will love God completely and for who He is! We will love Him so completely and so perfectly because He will completely be known and understood by us! Mysteriously we will, in a sense, be swallowed up and consumed by Love Himself. 

I’m not so into being pure that tends to make me religious, pious and fake but I’m into being real, this always leads me to the truth and you know what that does right?  Sets us Free!  I used to be completely disconnected with my true feelings for reasons that are deep, boring and dealt with for the most part, plus this blog is not about all that healing stuff.  When I was disconnected I heard the Lord speak to me in my heart and tell me to become connected to my real feelings.  This was a long and often terrifying process but yet the beginning of a real authentic relationship with God as well as myself.  At first this didn’t help with other relationships except the one I had with God but in the long run it’s been the biggest reward in my life.  As God adds wisdom and more health to my life this journey seems to become even more fruitful! Life can feel so hard sometimes and I’ve even blamed God for not understanding me. LOL!  That didn’t go over well because I knew deep inside that this was a goofy thought.  But He loves when we hash stuff out with him with our true thoughts and feelings. He already knows what we are thinking and feeling so its important we come to Him completely honest.  He didn’t create robots but rather real people, with real hearts, opinions and we’ve all been given each the same amount of faith. It seems like the more connected I am to my true self, the more connected I can be with God, just because I’m conversing on a pure and honest level.

  I suppose we just need to allow Him to take us by the hand and keep walking with Him as He does the real work in us. Sometimes He has to stop with us, wait with us, watch us turn the other direction and finally He will often carry us too. I feel sad that I’ve caused my savior grief by not trusting Him, even though I realize now, that He can not only handle it but that He understands why I have acted the way I have. He walks with me and He talks with me and tells me I am His own. It is good to be known so well and still completely, totally and so lavishly loved at the same time!

Captain Hook Versus Peter Pan and Tinker Bell!

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Captain Hook Versus Peter Pan and Tinker Bell!

Here are my observations about us people so far.  We start out one way and end up another only to be compelled to seek out and go back to where we started.  Our change isn’t just crows feet and gray hair, unless you color it, no one really knows how much gray you have, not even ourselves but our thoughts and ways about life change.  Youth seems to bring a natural humility and innocence to it but then the worries of the world come along and we become anxious and “try” to be self-sufficient.  When Jesus attempts to teach us about being child-like He is trying to bring us to a place of not worrying and attaining the humility and trust of a child.  The only difference is that we have much more to worry about and therefore we have tons more to give up and trust God for. Our faith is essential to God and He will do anything to help us enter into His “eternal riches and glory.”  For the sake of this metaphor though we’ll call it “Never, Never Land.”   This seems to be the Dichotomy of the spiritual freedom that some of us have tasted, some have never known and the really mature spiritual ones have learned to walk and stay in the place of child-like humility.  There is an amazing rest here for the ones who are so tired and worn out with all their own self-sufficiency and striving.  It seems to be harder for the ones like Peter, who had been there but then got caught up in fear and doubt and the worries of the world.  Why is it always Peter?!!!

In the movie, Hook, where Peter Pan returns, reminds us of the part of the change that we want and should try to resist.  “I’m never growing up!” says Peter Pan.  The catch 22 is that getting older is inevitable as we have more to worry about and the more we are pushed passed our own limitations the more we have to give up and trust a so called good God for. This is not an easy feat as we can see in the metaphorical movie script.  It’s hard to imagine some people who can handle so much on their own.  For some of us it doesn’t take much stress to force us to our knees and call out for help but for others it seems that they can spend all their lives in a type of hell/pride and self-sufficiency just like Captain Hook!  This place is exhausting for some of us to live their too terribly long and at some point we break down and finally come to the end of our own resources and cry out for help like a child or let’s say we become like Peter Pan again. This is a sign of true humility and strength versus pride and self-sufficiency, not to be confused with being a victim, which is just more self-sufficiency trying to disguise its self in a false humility.  This seems to be a layer-by-layer process opposed to a onetime deal or experience with God. Tinker-Bell is the Spiritual metaphor that can lead us to freedom.  Obviously this blog is not intended to make us believers of fairies but maybe they do exist when we’re on our summer hikes, giggling in the trees?  

 Anyway the story about Peter Pan is a great lesson and reminder for us to try and believe.  Believe what?  The story never really conveys the “What” but yet in the movie, Captain Hook The Return Of Peter Pan, reveals what ends up motivating Peter is the fear of losing his children.  This seems to do it every time.  The motivation of actually losing what we love most, seems to be the only thing that can move us into this place of spiritual freedom.  It may be adventurous to say that Peter starts out with the love for his kids and then ends up loving himself better as he finds his inner child again.  Some of us may need to begin at believing that love even exists and that we ourselves are greatly loved.  The stress, danger, wars and evil in our world do not seem to help us trust God with this but that’s where Tinker Bell sprinkles her magic fairy dust because in the end we are not really in charge of anything, even our spiritual journey itself needs to be given up and surrendered to God.  Great movie to re-watch this Christmas Season!  Have a very Merry Christmas!      

Dialogue with God. by Laurie Jackson.

Dialogue with God.

(Maybe I’m 10 yrs old)

Can you believe me Laurie?

Uhmm, maybe?  Can you help me?

Absolutely!  Can you trust me?

I’ll try to?

Smile from God.

I see you kinda, and maybe trust you a little.

(Years go by)

(Teens to 20ish)

Lord are you there, really?

Yes always.

Why the pain?

Silence from God.

Are you real?

Can you believe me?

Yes, will you help me believe you?

Yes always!

(More years pass 20’s…1…2,..3 etc.. )

Lord I need to know if you are really real?

I am!

How do I know for sure?

Keep asking.

Ok.

(A few more years go by)

No more alcohol for joy and peace I know you are the better source for this!

Yes I am.

I quit…. Where are you?!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m here with you.

Where is joy and peace?!

In me.

How do I get it?

Silence from God….

(A yr or so later..)

Why am I so depressed, discontent and dead inside?

Can you trust me?

Yes, I will.  Will you please give me relief and some joy? I haven’t been drinking I’ve been waiting for you!!!!!!!?

Yes!  Here is a hunger for my truth… read on… I’ll reveal to you my love in Jesus’ life.

Oh my goodness!  I love this.  The bible never was this exciting to me ever!

I’m giving you revelation!

Thank you… so I can’t give myself the revelation?

Hell to the “know”… revelation comes only from me.

You wanted this and your heart was receptive to the true gospel.

Thank you Lord so much for Jesus…. I love Jesus!

(A few more yrs go by..28, 29… etc….)

Where are you Lord, I’m still struggling so much but I know you are good!

Can you trust me more?

Yes… with what?

Will you do something that makes you scared?

Yes!  No wait. That!????? No way… ok…scared.. you’ll help me I know.

(One day goes by)

I can’t do this I need to pass it off!!!!… frantic phone calls… a word aptly spoken from a true sister in Christ….

(I was asked to lead worship for a small group and this freaked me out… insecurity galore!  Very afraid! She said something that challenged my inner spirit “you can’t lead where you are not going.”  This spoke volumes to me and basically said to me that if I would authentically worship God myself as I led with the music that I chose to use for leading the worship sets, then God would give me the ability and strength, little did I know I would find great Joy in His spirit and find a taste of freedom that I’d never known existed.  This went on for over a decade and God taught me much about surrendering to him.  He never forced me, only asked me.)

(around 33 ish… etc… )

Lord, I’m still so restless.  I haven’t touched, needed or wanted alcohol and have only sought you for Joy and peace but I still feel so empty and often scared.  I’m tired.. So tired of being scared.

(A book and word aptly spoken, ”Practicing the Presence of God”)

I began seeking His presence and truth with all my heart.

March 3^rd 3:00 in the morning 2002… He touched me with His love it is to this day the most amazing experience I’ve ever had in God!  It’s indescribable other than that I felt his love for me and loved others in a divine way. I continued to seek his touch for years and learned that I must seek His face now and not his hand if I wanted to go further with Him.)

Lord!  Please I need your touch again!  I’ve been ruined by your presence I can’t enjoy normal living. I need your manifest presence again please please please!

Silence…

(A couple of years later)

Lord?

Seek my face not my hand.

Ok… show me how..?

(More and more revelation from glory to glory and even some manifestations but never as intense as march 3^rd.)

I was becoming familiar with God now and our dialogue changed.

Isn’t that funny Lord?

I hear Him laughing… in the spirit.. can’t explain it.

I just love her Lord.

He speaks insights about her and we enjoy her together.

Help me love this person Lord.

He gives me insights and opportunities to love.

Thank you so much Lord.. I’m so blessed to love and serve her and you.

(A few years of this..My family, friend’s, neighbors, prisoner’s and amazing love!)

The dialogue is less wordy and more feel.

Seeking

Finding

From Glory to Glory

I love to know you Lord.  How lovely is your dwelling place help me to know you more and more.  You are the treasure that I seek.  I trust you with this journey with all the pain and pure delight together.

Can you trust me Laurie?

Yes!  Will you help me?

Absolutely. You know I will!

I know

We both smile at each other.

Three years ago, around 41-ish, He asked me to trust him with something very precious to me, I barely said yes…. I was confused for three years… I learned a lot about myself and Him.  He revealed deep doubts and replaced them with trust.  I would have not said yes had I’d known the loneliness and emptiness that I’d face all over again. The storm has subsided and love and joy seem to be more constant and less like a roller coaster now.

What do you think about that storm Laurie?

I think you protected my loved ones and asked me to give up a cherished friendship.

It will be whole one day.

Yes, I trust you for this Lord.

We both smile! 

Thinking For Your Self. by Laurie Jackson

Thinking For Your self!

My mother always told me that I didn’t follow the crowd and that I would just do what I wanted, which was sometimes with the crowd but often times not!

As a kid I always liked everyone for the most part.  In high school and in junior high I wasn’t oblivious of the clicks but I constantly countered the pressure to be in one of them.  It was a natural instinct in me.  I later married a “black man” and depending on which side of this country you lived on this was “against the grain” so to speak.  I had “home-births” and decided to “home-school” as well as be a “stay at home” mom!  Being a Christian and follower of Jesus has been my own decision and not based on churchy people, parents or friends.  In fact many years ago I was ready to give up the whole Jesus thing, which made me seek out many answers to my deep- hearted questions in life.  I know better now as to why I believe the way I do and that is good for me.  

The interesting thing that happens when you make choices based on your own “thinkage” is that you don’t feel the need to argue, persuade or force someone to feel, think or choose like yourself.  You lose the need to convince another as a means to feel more secure about your own decision because you’ve already made it in a healthy and stable way.   This has brought much freedom in my life.  Lots of so called, non-conformity in my life choices and I won’t even get into political by- partisan issues!  Sheesh!   Each time I was met with disdain or opposition and differences of opinion I usually listened and thought through the arguments.  One question to ask your self in these situations is, “do I want to be like this person that I’m following?”  Truly I look back and this is what I definitely did and still practice doing today.  Typically I come back to my original decision but being open-minded has convinced me to do the opposite as well.  At least I knew that I wasn’t setting out to make a decision simply based on trying to be a “non conformist” which by the way, I rejected that click as well.  At the end of the day I am glad about my decision making process and it comes down to thinking for yourself and not allowing persuasion to move you with dysfunction.

             Recently I’ve looked into On-line schools and after thinking it through and researching much.  I’ve come to my conclusion.  There is a stigma to all of the things I’ve mentioned above and there is one to on-line schools as well that I’m willing to deal with.  This goes on and on depending to whom you are talking to.  This school that school, Christian or home-school, working mom, stay at home mom, rich, poor, black or white.  Seriously we will be tossed to and fro if we don’t know why we think the way we do.  This doesn’t always mean you think you are right but rather you made a decision in the right way for the right reasons.  This isn’t a quick and easy route!  The quick and easy route is to follow the masses.  The wise and stable way to make decisions is laborious and time consuming.  Most people will not take the time to even think anymore.  I see this so much in our health care system.  Do what the doctor says because they must know best?  Not a good way to process.  I’ve learned that to trust God and seek his wisdom with my decisions, to have a stabilizing affect.  James 1:6 “But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.”  This has proven to bring much peace and stability in my life.  

               I’ve seen myself and others be tossed back and forth like a piece of garbage in a windstorm by the media, advertising and even their own friends and family.  This political season is bringing so much of this type of wind, in fact, it’s a storm and no one seems to be going inside to just think alone.  If you try thinking for yourself, you’ll have to face opposition, disdain, prejudice and more.  This is the truth but it does set you free from the storm. 

Personal problems/Guilt, Doubt and Shame!

Personal problems/Guilt, Doubt and Shame!

Laurie Jackson 8/25/2012

So I’m not sure if this will be a blog or rather a ventilation system for my issues today as writing to myself usually helps me navigate through my toxic emotions and as a result, siphon them out altogether.

I was chatting with a friend recently that had just gotten back from marriage counseling and I said without any doubt at all that I didn’t think we had  “marriage” problems but rather we all had “PERSONAL PROBLEMS!”  Their reply was simply that their counselor said something very similar.  I didn’t need confirmation about my own insight but it did feel reassuring that my friend had a counselor that is getting to the core issues and I believe they will do very well.

That particular day I was feeling quite irritated at my husband and I KNEW it was “all” due to my own issues.  I then jokingly exposed myself and my toxic attitude to my friends and took two stuff animals sitting on the floor and said this is me and this is my husband and I took my personified animal and proceeded to punch and hit my husbands personified stuffed animal in the face repeatedly!  That actually made the point more effective and included a comedic edge that we all so desperately need.

The toxic emotions I am dealing with today are three fold; guilt, doubt and shame.  If you have read many of my blogs you know that I believe in God through Jesus Christ and surely have mentioned the Holy Spirit a time or two.

God has led me to do things for people that I would normally never do like clean dirty houses, bring homeless people to my home, spend time with murders, drug addicts and rapists on a regular basis. Every time I’ve followed or follow the Holy Spirit’s leading I am ALWAYS blessed, at peace and have a deep, strong desire to do these things. Albeit I have had fear accompany some of the things God has asked me to do, His peace always surpasses my understanding.  I love listening to the Holy Spirit cause He’s ALWAYS right!

My toxic emotions today are NOT of God and because I don’t have a counselor to talk to today I’ve been conversing with the greatest counselor I’m ever going to have, The Holy Spirit.  I am assured and have no doubt that these emotions I’m feeling are indeed toxic.  I am also feeling led to write because often this is how the Holy Spirit will speak wisdom and truth to me and almost every time, like clock work, this brings me to the place of freedom that is rightly mine because of the precious blood of Jesus and His gift of the Holy Spirit He has freely given to me.

To say that freedom is rightly mine, took many years of healing and learning about Gods power that supersedes any good deeds I could ever do.  So today I can receive this truth with gladness and ease.  Although it was a long time before I really understood grace.  I’m thinking today He will be giving me more of the same teaching about how His Spirit operates and more truth about His grace. 

So many people need a revelation of grace.  I believe today grace will be the only opposing force to these toxic emotions.

So let’s open up the first toxin, Guilt:

Guilt is the opposite of God’s grace.  It is full of pride and thinks it can earn good standing with God.  Good standing with God comes through Christ alone. (Really I’m hearing all this for me and if I do share this blog/journal… God must make it clear as this is quite revealing) Guilt also attempts to accuse you of things you should do.  Guilt “shoulds on you!”  We shouldn’t “SHOULD” ON OURSELVES!  I’ve always liked that one ‘cause it feels like real cussing and sometimes cussing is fun!  Guilt is not of God and can often be disguised in the religious circles as “conviction.”  This is very misguiding because as a follower of Jesus Christ, when I have conviction, I am never CONFUSED about it but when there is GUILT, there is ALWAYS  confusion that whispers in your ear! (Maybe I will share this because that right there is freeing me and I know its God helping me out)  How true is this?  I must remember this myself.  I’ll just copy and paste it so we can all read it again k. This is very misguiding because as a follower of Jesus Christ, when I have True conviction, I am never CONFUSED about it but when there is GUILT, there is ALWAYS confusion that whispers in your ear!

DOUBT:

Doubt comes from lack of trust in God’s ways and love for us.  Some doubt is absolutely necessary as we must grow in our faith and doubt propels us to wrestle with the truth until it becomes clear.  Other doubt is like a dart from the enemy; let’s call him Satan!  I believe God uses our enemy to make our faith stronger.  Again, we must wrestle with doubt when the arrows come flying and this makes us aware of the battle and the truth gets more solidified after a good battle with our enemy.  We end up knowing better how to fight battles that will come again and we get wiser at identifying the enemy’s tactics.  So be glad when your faith is tested cause it’s a good thing!  James 1:2-4 says it best. “Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance and perseverance must finish it’s work in you so you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”  I love How God doesn’t want us to lack in any of His peaceful, fruitful life giving sap!

Shame:

Shame must always include other people because it’s based on how others see us.  It is overly concerned with what everyone else is doing and thinking about us.  This is an area that can go way deep if you’ve come from a sexually abused background or other types of abuse.  Being a victim is what Shame’s job is.  Shame counters everything Jesus did on the cross and if you have shame you shouldn’t feel ashamed about that!  I’m so serious!   If shame causes you to cower from God’s face, you will never get the only power that can heal a shame filled person.  This is definitely the enemy’s tactic!!!!  Shame longs to fill up the isolated empty feelings of a wounded person.  Shame is the counterfeit to God’s pure love and acceptance.  Most often, Shame will blame God, (the very power that can obliterate it) thereby keeping the person shackled in shame forever!  I’ve seen this countless times in my own life and as I’ve helped others in their lives. 

The only remedy for all this is “Revelation” and as I’ve written about each toxic emotion, God again, of course, like always and on numerous occasions has quite literally set me free! J

A few more insights about God’s ways that I’ve noticed as a follow of Jesus Christ are: 

1)    Following God can make you look good to some and almost evil and unloving to others.

2)    Following God requires faith and most often you won’t understand why He is asking you to do a thing or Not asking you to do a thing until much later.  Maybe we won't understand until heaven.  I have yet to experience this as I’m still waiting for this "one thing" I believe He asked me to do to be a little clearer.

3)    Following God may surpass your own wisdom about a persons needs.  I know that when he does not give me the desire, strength or leading to “help” out a particular person, I find out much later, the answer to WHY he seemed to withhold my “Help”… Help may not look like Help to God.  Sometimes a person needs you to only be “out” of the picture.  This is why it’s important to understand the above about Guilt, doubt and shame. When we get in Gods way, it just takes more time for him to do what He’s doing.  

4)    Following God always brings about the fruit of peace.  NOT peace around you but peace inside you and the two are VERY different as we can see in the gospels of Jesus Christ. 

 I’ve decided to share this as I’m NOT ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and or how he is working this all out in myself.  Thank you for observing, participating and or enjoying this sometimes-difficult journey with me today!

  

Hidden Everywhere!

Hidden Everywhere. By Laurie Jackson 8/21/2012
 Just felt like blogging today as my daughter plays the beautiful music theme to my “favoritist “ movie, “Pride and Prejudice.” Funny thing is, she doesn’t even like the movie but she plays the song with incredible passion and musical maturity! Although our other daughter will watch the movie with me anytime of the day, so I get the best of both worlds anyway. LoL!

 As I had a little nap this afternoon and some great time out with God, I began being thankful for His way, truth and life and seemed to have a short, highlighted summary come to.

 His ways …

so far I believe this is His wisdom brought about by our earnest seeking, which is always rooted in a humble heart before Him. He has helped me admit having no wisdom and caused me to ask and desire it. Praying for this seems to be His way. Proverbs is packed full of it and you can learn it from so many variables, including children! My own children! I’ve also learned that God’s wisdom can be hidden in the most mysterious places!
 Everywhere!

 His Truth!

 Mysterious for sure! You can find it in the bible, but only as revealed by the Holy Spirit. You can’t contrive revelation and you certainly can’t force it to come too early. He has perfect timing. His Truth can seem very frustrating to learn and you never quite arrive at a complete revelation, as there is always more to be revealed. I’ve also learned that The Truth can be hidden in the most mysterious places! Everywhere

The  Life.

 Not a formula, nor a list of to-do’s but rather His spirit flowing through you. Mysterious and hard to understand intellectually, requiring faith in His goodness and Love. We must be after His life otherwise He’ll let us choose the opposite. I heard Charles Stanley say, “ you can’t have Love without choice.” I believe this is truth. I’ve also learned that life can be hidden in the most mysterious places! Everywhere!

 I believe that the way, Truth and life cannot be separated! I believe all of the above adds up to a most mysterious conclusion. Jesus is the way the truth and the life. I don’t quite get this completely but have experience what I am saying to some degree. I’m so glad about this! I am also convinced that there will be a time that we will be able to experience Jesus and His person completely one day. It is interesting how Jesus’ words didn’t waiver one bit. He simply stated, “I am the way, the truth and the life.” “The way” leads the question…”so there is no other way?” I find this intriguing.

 Thanks for walking with me on this journey today. Deuteronomy 30:19

Ageing Well or With Ridiculous Deformity.

Ageing Well or With Ridiculous Deformity.

So I’m blogging today for two reasons. A friend of mine gave me a compliment on my blog and this encouraged me. I also have an issue on my mind.

I just got off the phone with a friend who is the same exact age as I am and we were discussing the beginning stages of aging that we are both feeling. I also had a funny conversation with another friend recently and she starts out saying… “So I’m wondering if I should aspire to live the rest of my days as Rosanne Barr and give up, or kill myself and go for the Angelino Jolie look?” I busted up laughing, but said really quickly, as I’d been thinking along the same lines and immediately stated “Neither! We need to avoid both extremes.” I promptly assured her that I wasn’t saying I’m not gonna get any face work done but we started discussing all this and along with the talk I had last night with my other amazing friend I came up with this… The ageing blog now begins.

If you are fifty and older and know that I’m only 43 years old, don’t laugh as I realize it’s just the beginning and I haven’t seen anything yet, but this realization of aging is beginning to happen and I am attempting to try to handle, understand and deal with it, rationally, graciously and with as much wisdom as I can seek and find.

I know a few older friends who, to me, are ageing well and giving me great wisdom by just watching them live life.

Ecclesiastes, chapter12 is where my friend and I started discussing, as we wanted the wise perspective and not this crazy unrealistic perspective that we are bombarded with day in and day out from the media. It’s just not real! What is real is the truth.? So far this is what I’m seeing as I seek the truth in this matter of ageing.

1) It’s not about wrinkles, gray hair or stiff joints, but this IS indeed part of it. Our container is wearing out! This is normal and a natural part of our lives. I don’t believe we should spend every waking hour in the gym and deform our faces with plastic surgery or spend tons of money on this but I believe we should try and take care of ourselves with wisdom that is balance. I’m not going to talk about balance. I believe if we seek the truth we will run into balance on the way.

2) The older, are supposed to inspire, help, support and give wisdom and guidance to the younger. This should be natural, but we can also reject this stage of life and start thinking unnaturally, as I believe if the media is your teacher that you will become a “Deformed” older person. What do I mean? The visual that comes to mind is if we put a baby in a play pen most of the day and didn’t let them learn to crawl and or walk around they would be stunted and in extreme confinement they would end up being physically deformed and emotionally stunted. This is how I see Joan Rivers. Sorry, but she doesn’t look right and where is the wisdom that she should have by now? She does not inspire me one bit. I know some older people with a few “more” wrinkles and gray hair that when I have even a five-minute chat with them make me feel motivated, inspired and refreshed after being with them. This should be the norm. Unfortunately many of us are looking to the wrong sources for our guidance. Something is wrong here. The truth always makes me feel free. So I’m going for the truth about ageing.

3) It’s not a time to give up either but rather to take the wisdom and apply all we know and have. Ecclesiastes 7:18 not letting go of one to grasp another. Over the years I’ve learned some wisdom about eating and exercise. I shouldn’t let go of this just because it doesn’t seem to have the same effect on my body. So I don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, but I keep on moving. Maybe my movement will look different as I “move” into my 50’s and 60’s? But we can take the wisdom of avoiding one extreme of giving up and the other extreme of focusing so much on our outer container that we have nothing of substance flowing from the container.

4) There were many truths from Ecclesiastes chapter 12; in fact, the entire book is full of wisdom and life giving sap. Lastly, the best advice for all ages, and this is in Ecclesiastes 12:14 The Message version: “Fear God. Do what he tells you. 14And that’s it. Eventually God will bring everything that we do out into the open and judge it according to its hidden intent, whether it’s good or evil.” To “Fear” God is the beginning of wisdom and what I have learned about this scary FEAR word is that you gotta study the language that it was written in so you don’t get all freaky and religious with it. All it means is to Reverently respect Gods truth and ways. I hear this verse with a loving Father’s attitude full of wisdom and the best interests in mind for his kids. My rendition is… “Hey, this life is short and full of emptiness apart from loving relationships, it’s meaningless. Sow good wholesome seeds in this life. You will reap what you sow. Go ahead sow to your fleshy body and plastic surgery… you’ll reap just that. Sow to finding wisdom and love and guess what kids? You will indeed reap wisdom and loves reward. This is only the beginning not the end. The end of the container is certainly not all I have planned.”

I’m finding it rewarding and difficult to age. I need more wisdom about this and I believe if I hang out with the wisdom giver, I’ll surely get some. Let’s age well, without becoming literally deformed individuals. Father God, you have a plan for this natural process of ageing. Let us look to you for wisdom and truth as we enter into the second half of our lives.

Thank you to my older and wiser friends. You are excellent examples to all of us coming behind and so much so that you are overpowering the ridiculousness of what the media is portraying.

Rest For Our Souls.

Rest For Our Souls. by Laurie Jackson: 2/15/2012

I’m only blogging today because I told myself that I wanted to write at least one blog a month. Last month I exceeded this and put up three blogs. I usually go off total inspiration though so I’m not sure if this will take or not. I thought I would just start typing and something would inspire me and then I could pay-it-forward.

I heard God today. For some of you this sounds weird for others it sounds wow and for those that hear God often, it just sounds normal. Well, I haven’t been ignoring God but I have been distracted with worry and fear lately. I’ve finally calmed down and heard God tell me to be child-like again and just believe what He’s taught me. This gave me an immediate restful feeling in my heart. Then this morning I heard Him tell me this again in more detail. I’m not going to blog about what He told me but what is beginning to inspire me to blog now, is the fact that we can all hear the God of the universe and depending on what you think of Him this could make you happy, sad or even mad and or scared to death. For me, because I know that He is good and loving, I was happy to hear Him this morning. It took many years of my life, to even trust that God was a good and loving God. He had to prove this to me over and over and I found out that He was happy to heal my heart from fear and distrust over and over again. He is indeed patient and knows why a person would think bad of Him. He gets it, so don’t worry about being angry at Him. Just talk to Him about this or yell to Him about it like I did for years. He can handle us. We don’t scare Him one bit.

I realized that hearing Him only requires me to soften my heart toward Him. A Softened heart, makes me think of a trusting child-like person. So because my heart was able to hear Him, I did. I think it’s easy to soften our hearts. We can actually pray that God will help us soften our hearts. By the time I pray this, I’m usually already participating in humbling my heart before Him anyway. I’m thinking that we get distracted and this can make our hearts forget His amazing presence and help in our lives. It’s easy for me to be distracted with worry. New worry, stuff that is new to my life, like new challenges or old ones I haven’t dealt with for a long time.

Now that I’m restful, I’m realizing how God himself brought me here. Once He gets you to know Him and trust Him a little, our hearts have a natural longing to stay in this restful place. We crave it! When this place of rest gets disturb we notice it. Sometimes it takes me awhile to notice, but eventually I get tired of being tired.

I’m not sure if I’ve communicated to anyone but at least I wrote a February blog. This verse comes to mind as well. What I think it means by the word “religion” in this verse, is when we get “none relational with God” so I go about my life kinda ignoring Him and or avoiding Him because hearing Him, requires me to soften my heart and believe like a child that He is very real and present. This requires me to not be so heady about life or try to figure it all out by myself. Matthew 11:28 I love it from the Message version so here is what I’ll end this blog with:

28“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? (“none relational with God”) Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. 29Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. 30Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Amazing parallel!

Amazing parallel! By Laurie Jackson 1/21/2012

So do we want bondage or freedom? Do we want the real thing or will we settle for the counterfeit?

I see the young lady with skinny pin legs, barely able to stand as she laboriously climbs the stair master with two sweat shirts, a cinched hood around her head and all I can do is cringe in my heart knowing that I’m watching her commit a slow suicide day after as I observe her upon entering the club each morning.

Similar when I see….

The Religious Zealot ranting about God or Jesus living a laboriously, boring, lifeless life, as fear motivates his every move to do the right thing, live by the law, save souls and hand-out tracks warning others of hell. His heart is full of fear, empty of joy and void of life! He forces himself to read his bible and hates every minute of it.

Romans 1:20 American Standard Version: For the invisible things of him since the creation of the world are clearly seen, being perceived through the things that are made, even his everlasting power and divinity; that they may be without excuse.

Romans 1:20 The Message: By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can’t see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. So nobody has a good excuse.

So in other words, Gods creation can point us to wisdom and truth that relate to other facets of life’s wisdom and truth.

Today I was overwhelmingly amazed by the Parallel of a life lived by the Spirit and a life lived physically healthy. Spiritual health and physical health have been two areas I’ve searched out for the sake of my own freedom. Having great bondage in both realms helped me relate to the depravation that deception in both of these areas can manifest.

For many years I knew “about” God, sure, I would pray but I barely knew Him and didn’t quite believe He was real. This changed when after much earnest searching for the truth, I was found and touch by the Spirit of the living God. I felt like my whole world changed and all I could say is how real God was. This changed how I read the bible, how I prayed and my entire relationship with God became vibrant, very alive and full of joy!

A similar ramification happened to me when I finally received the truth about my own physical body, after many years of living in deception as an anorexic and believing in every fad diet out there. The information that I had learned little by little over many years that was true, finally turned into a healthy relationship with my body or temple so to speak. The anorexic and the obese person have the same problem. They both have control issues. The anorexic feels out of control and tries very hard to overcompensate for this feeling. The obese person feels out of control only to allow defeat, despair and ultimately surrender their control and give into this feeling. There is a better way. Truth about a thing can help us feel a sense of control. Truth brings freedom always! Knowledge gives us empowerment.

Ten Parallels:
1.
I learned that my body was for me and not against me.
I learned that God loved me and had my best interests in mind.
2.
I learned about Nutrient dense food opposed to empty calories.
I learned that I could hear God directly opposed to empty words on a page.
3.
I learned how to enjoy food and not obsess over calories and just relax.
I learned that The Holy Spirit is doing the work and I can relax now.
4.
I learned that my body wants and indeed enjoys much movement.
I learned that Gods Spirit lives, moves and breathes in me.
5.
I learned that my body was created to run and not grow weary during the day.
I learned that living day after day in the Spirit would fill you with such delight and joy that you can’t contain it.
6.
I learned that there is strength being built when you feel weak after the last set of your weight lifting.
I’m learning that in times of trials, my faith in Gods good character and love for me is getting ever stronger.
7.
I’ve learned that my body needs enough calories each day to thrive and be strong.
I’ve learned that I cannot be joyful and loving without receiving all of this, first from Gods Spirit each day.
8.
I’ve learned what my body needs, wants, craves and thrives on.
I’m learning what my heart and spirit need, want, craves and thrives on.
9.
I’ve learned what I love doing most for exercise, my favorites.
I’ve come to know my hearts desire is Gods presence.

10.
I learned that most American life-styles lived today are not even normal.
I’m learning to inquire with God Himself in regard to my life’s direction and not compare it to other believers.

New Normal’s…

Just has our Creator wants us to really know Him personally we can have a healthy relationship, based on biological, scientific truth with our physical health as well as our spiritual health.

A person that listens to the life giving Spirit of God on a regular basis and indeed has a good, healthy relationship with God has fruit that is full of life, joy, peace, love and maturity.

A truly healthy person is easy to spot too. They look good, have consistent energy and can walk, climb and move without hurting themselves. You won’t see them obsessing about calories or doing the next fad diet. They are strong and enjoy their nutrient dense food. They drink water and don’t need it to be masked with dye or splenda. Most of them do not live in America. ☺

What is normal?

Leave me some more parallels here in the comment section if you have some good ones. It’s so much easier to see the truth when there is an analogy to go with it. I suppose that’s why Jesus taught this way often.

Enjoying the Journey together, Laurie

My toxic friend.. and maybe a little Gossip.? By Laurie Jackson 1/10/2012

My toxic friend.. and maybe a little Gossip.? By Laurie Jackson 1/10/2012

I’ve known this friend for years. I think I met her when I was about 7 years old when we lived in a town called Birchwood. I hung out with her all the time even though she made me feel terrible and full of anxiety. She was the most annoying friend I knew. I look back and wonder why I hung out with her so much and for so many years. I still see her once in awhile. I always ask myself why she was my friend. Sometime later in life I got smarter so when she’d call I’d check the caller i.d to make sure it wasn’t her and if it was her, I wouldn’t answer it. I always felt such a relief when she didn’t knock on my door or call me. I didn’t know about healthy boundaries or any of that stuff back then.

I think I figured out why I hung out with her a lot. When we were together I felt empowered and almost in control of anything but when she would leave, I swear after every visit, I felt like crap. When I first met her, like I said, around 7 yrs old she would force me to play this game in my bedroom. I would be in there cleaning and organizing my stuff and someone would knock on my door. She would tell me to get really nervous and protective about my stuff that was perfectly organized. My family members, especially my sister, would pick up on the game and try to play it with us. She would take one of my knick-knacks and move it just slightly. My friend told me to freak out on her and move the knick-knack back immediately. I always wanted to play the game but it wasn’t fun at all. It made me feel extremely aggravated and almost to tears when we’d play this stupid ass game. Sometimes she would come over and notice that the house was a little messy and convince me to clean the whole house so my mom would be happy. I would spend hours making everything perfect. I even remember sweeping the dirt by the door so it would be noticeably clean and neat. Every time she left my house, I felt exhausted, aggravated and very depressed. When I got older in my teen years she would come over and play these games, leave and then come right back over during my depressed episode, but she wouldn’t try to get me out of the depression she would suggest another game called binge eating. One time we had an entire pie from the store right out of the box. I hated myself when we played that game. She was right there agreeing with how lousy I was too. She suggested we play the starve yourself game just after that. Sometimes I would play that game with her all day and maybe the next. I started to try to avoid her but felt so controlled for so long I had become a victim of her stupid little games. She was extremely overbearing!

I forgot to tell you her name. Meet my most toxic friend, “Extreme.” Yes her name is Extreme. Isn’t that a weird name? Extreme, I’d say.

When I was in my early twenties, I moved into a cute little apartment complex with my new husband off Meadow Street. I became pregnant about 6 months after we moved there. I also met another friend. Her name? Wisdom. She was the coolest friend I ever met. I didn’t see her often enough. She would call a lot but I usually waited to be with her on my good days. When we hung out I felt so peaceful and she would make me laugh at myself. She was very fun to be around. Now, when she left I felt sad but she always left me with something that made me think all day long. I started calling her a lot more and she was always willing to come over for coffee or tea. She had some great advice about my diet during my pregnancy. We talked a lot about this, 10 months or so and I did just about everything she told me to do. I drank water, exercised moderately and tried to eat lots of fruits and veggies. I never felt better. After I had our first child, we still hung out a lot but sometimes Extreme would call and I would pick up the phone and actually invite her over! My friend wisdom would try and call me when she saw Extremes’ car parked in our carport but I rarely took her call.

When I was in my later 20’s, Extreme and I hung out a lot and she would always bring the alcohol. After this one episode of me throwing up in the toilet and practically dying from alcohol consumption, I never once played that game with her for fourteen years. I think a few years ago I was caught off guard but Extreme wasn’t actually there, my sister had brought over some really great wine and I sincerely lost track. Extreme was probably watching through the window, because I rarely let her in now.

I haven’t seen Extreme for a few months now and when I do see her I usually call Wisdom for moral support. About twelve years ago Wisdom told me she knew Extremes’ parents. Their names didn’t surprise me, Fear and Control. Her dad’s name was Fear and her mom’s name was Control. No wonder.? Wisdom informed me that her dad is God and her mothers name is Humility. She truly admires her parents! ☺ I do too.

After spending a lot of time with Wisdom, she and I became very good friends and a few years ago I wrote her a song. I’ll copy and paste the words here:


SHE IS AMAZING …. Laurie Jackson 2-08

She is amazing there in the beginning When God created the earth and sea

Her name is wisdom, God created her as a treasure for kings and queens to seek
(I will bow before God)
Far more precious then diamonds and rubies, far more precious then silver and Gold
It’s an honor for me to seek her as treasure I want to know her more… Wisdom of old

Humility comes before her she will teach you to fear your God
A humble heart precedes honor

she will teach you to bow
she will teach you to bow down
Before God Before your God
I will bow before God. I will bow down before God.

She was the first of all Gods work, appointed from eternity
(I will bow before God)
day after day she was filled with joy, Rejoicing always in our king

She’s so glad about this world God created, she’s taking delight in all mankind
In her ways are peace and safety, prosperity honor and life.

Those who ask God for wisdom, He will give abundantly
(I will bow before God)
Jut don’t doubt her and if you doubt her you’ll be tossed around with the wind and sea
Wisdom will be the same for tomorrow for today and yesterday
With her, is the path of the lesser sorrow but her cost requires all your life and all your days.

I usually have coffee and counsel time with Wisdom every morning. She often quotes proverbs 3:5 and I’m learning how right she is.

I hope you enjoyed this little allegory leave a comment and please join us here.

Relax…Relax? Relax!? By Laurie Jackson 1/10/2012

Relax…Relax? Relax!? By Laurie Jackson 1/10/2012

I have not heard the word “Relax” in very many conferences, motivational seminars or even sermons that I’ve attended throughout the many years, but on the Treadmill today I noticed that I was tensing up my shoulders and had to force myself to “Relax.” It felt soooo much better when I relaxed, but yet I was running 12-minute miles? This made me start thinking about the wisdom from a well-known passage, Hebrews 4:11 “Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest,….” Make every “effort to rest???” Isn’t this an oxymoron? The King James Version is even better, “Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest,..”

This revelation of wisdom keeps growing in my heart and getting so much more fruitful. I can see the truth of it everywhere now. Running for instance scientifically causes endorphins in our bodies to stimulate them to actually relax. Exercise does this to everyone. Right now I feel very relaxed, not tired, weary or hyped and anxious but serene, energetic and excited for the day. I just ran 5 miles less then an hour ago. One of the reason’s I love to run is because it relaxes me. I’ve had tons of issues with anxiety disorders in all their forms; depression, obsessive compulsive, and Attention Deficit are all under the umbrella of anxiety disorders. I’ve even had trouble with grinding my teeth and caused myself to get TMJ.


The truth is that work actually is part of relaxing. Oh my goodness did I just write that? Seriously, when you are in bed all day, depressed, negative and unmotivated do you really feel relaxed? I feel relaxed when I’m not motivated by fear but rather hope and expectation for the good and when I’m active doing fun stuff. As a believer in Christ, this was Gods huge revelation from the old to the New Testament. The old, was being fulfilled with the “Work” done in the New. Jesus did the work so we can relax.

I’ve struggled with this for years and honestly I still catch myself constantly trying to live in the “old” instead of just relax in the “new.”

God is all about the new! His mercies are new every morning, the new wine, the new heart, and the new covenant! It has taken many years for me to understand that I had the option to relax into Gods new stuff. Who knew? Peter Finally figured it out, John pretty much knew from the beginning and Paul found out the hard way. Me? It’s like I can relate to all three of these characters. I’m so glad I’ve “tasted” this rest. I’ve entered into His actual New Covenant. God’s truth talks about the problem with forgetting this and missing out on this new stuff all over his word. Galatians 5:4 is one of my favorite reminders to relax into the new stuff. “Christ is become of no effect unto you, whosoever of you are justified by the law; ye are fallen from grace.”

Let me run back to the running analogy. As I run, I begin relaxing and the warmer I get the easier it seems. When I’ve been running regularly this is so easy. When I get out of shape and stop the running it feels harder at first but our bodies have muscle memory and are quick to find the way again.

I’d like to say that we are born to run. Look at the children it’s natural and normal, no one is telling them to do this? We are also born to know God and receive his love and goodness.

So Relax… but to get there we may have to seek, wrestle with the truth, and even labor to find this Resting and relaxing place. I’m learning that you can run, set goals, be motivated and play hard and relax all at the same time. I found this place but God keeps reminding me to continue the work in takes to remain here. Believing truth requires us to take “old” thoughts and choose to replace them with the “new” stuff. Having an amazing resting heart rate requires us to raise our heart rate a few times a week. Hebrew 12:1 says it best, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” Enjoy the run… and I’ll meet you at the finish line.

Be True To Yourself. The Truth Sets Us Free.

Be True To Yourself. The Truth Sets Us Free.
10 Easy Things And Only 20 mins To Start, That Can Really Help You! By Laurie Jackson 01/02/2012

The stuff I’m getting ready to write doesn’t come from an amazing successful person with tons of awards, education and achievements that I’ve made. The truth that I’m getting ready to share comes from a lot of soul searching from a wounded individual. Hurt people hurt people, but helped people help people. This is true even if it’s just yourself you are hurting or helping.

For many years I “tried” so hard to apply the things I’m getting ready to share and kept stopping and starting and getting very discouraged that those close to me seemed to be able to keep on keeping on. What the hell is wrong with me? I would cry out to God!

What God kept telling me over and over and over wasn’t what was WRONG with me but rather what was RIGHT with me!

This is the foundation of any positive that comes into a person’s life. Think about it. You get married because you believe a person loves you. You get healthy because you believe you can. You finish college because you believe you could. The list goes on and on. The reverse is also true. I won’t even take time to write it!

The 3 obstacles that kept the 7 next things I’m going to share with you from not happening consistently in my life were:

1) Not really knowing what “I” wanted. Pleasing other people and not living from a place of passion. Being disconnected from the things that gave “ME” joy and satisfaction. The clue? The Truth sets you Free, even the truth about ourselves. I would get very close, but still wasn’t “connected” enough to myself to really define what my individual foundation was. Each year seemed to get more and more clear because God was healing my heart to help me see who He made me to be more clearly and He still has me on this journey.

2) A conflicted soul. The obstacle of “Religion.” This is not about going to church or not, but rather about making rules for yourself apart from the spirit of LIFE! In other words I would read certain verses from my bible and they would seem to conflict with some of the 7 things I will share with you shortly. The Holy Spirit can heal you from religion and rules too. Seek and you will find. The Truth brings freedom!

3) Getting to the end of my own resources helps me every time. Simply asking for help, it requires true humility and a childlike heart. This tends to be a constant revelation I need personally. Someone who knows more then us in an area can easily be of help to us. A person who is successful in the area that you are pursuing is worth more then gold. “I think Humility is receiving Gods wisdom and or correction and then turning back to Him and asking Him for the strength and understanding to apply it.”
Apart from God we can do nothing. Even if you think you are doing stuff without God… uhmmm.? I would have to say it’s His grace right now that allows people to benefit from His ways. Many people that don’t profess Jesus are still able to benefit from applying his wisdom and principals. They may miss out on the relationship part but He is so gracious and loves all people the same. Think about it, if you had two kids and one of them said they hated you and the other one was obeying everything you said, which one would you, love more? Hello?! My point exactly. In fact the one that said they hated me, would be even more on my heart as to WHY they said this. I would secretly pray and seek wisdom as to how to win their hearts back. “Hint, hint”… God ended up leading me to go to the doctor because I kept asking him to help me and I finally humbled myself to someone who knew more then myself. God did help me indeed, through the doctor!

7 Things That Only Take 20 mins To Start Doing!

1) Really Ponder 3 things that matter most to you! Family, Business, Health??? Etc… Write down your three top priorities in life.
2) What do you want said on your Epitaph? What do you want to be remembered for when you die? Now write that down with a few more specifics and call this your life’s mission statement. This should include your top three priorities and should make you feel happy and peaceful at the core of your heart! You can modify this anytime. The more connected to ourselves we are the less our mission statement will change. When you find that your mission statement doesn’t change much, then you know you’ve found yourself. ☺
3) Write down 10 things you would like to accomplish this year. Be specific! Don’t write get healthy but rather, lose 50 pounds. Each goal must have numbers to measure by. Have a successful Business. Nope… make a “number” or write, have 300 more customer’s… numbers. Specifics. Trust me, this works like a charm.
4) Out of the 10 things you want to accomplish this year, write down the main one. The one that will help you with all the other ones on your list of 10 goals. The most significant one! Write down as many things that pertain to this specific goal that will help you achieve it. If its “lose 20 lbs” then write down anything you think that would help you do this. Find gym, buy shoes, and purchase a product from my local Beach body coach! www.beachbodycoach.com/ljackson “hint, hint”… Write down as many things that you think pertain to this particular goal on a scratch piece of paper.
5) Now take your “Health” goal. Hopefully it was one of your 10 or even better, one of your top three priorities! Do the same for your Health goal that you just did at #4.
6) Now be honest and reasonable and insert Weekly/Daily tasks that will help you reach these last two goals. There are books you can read that will take you more then 20 mins to help you organize your thoughts and life and do this process more thoroughly but, I’m writing this blog for those of us who are not willing to read an entire book on this subject and need a quick system to help us live our lives more true to ourselves. Two people who I’ve read their books and have helped me tremendously are Steven Scott, The Richest Man Who Ever Lived and Chalene Johnson’s book: “Push.” For those of you who just aren’t there yet, hopefully this little blog will help you at least “focus” and live truer to yourself this year then ever before!
7) Write down “your” definition of success! Put your Mission statement, your definition of success and your 10 goals for this year in your smart phone as well as your daily tasks in your smart phone calendar. The more accessible and visible you have this, the better off you’ll be. Perfectionism is your enemy! Truth sets us free! Grace is the truth and You Never Fail Until You Stop Trying! Keep on Keeping on. Part of my definition of success is to have Love, Joy and Peace in my life! If these are things that are included in your definition refer to #3 from the list of Obstacles that I wrote earlier. ☺

The living enjoy... the thriving inspire others to enjoy and the surviving don't enjoy anything! Psalms 16.
Getting on the Right side of Truth makes the pain of it go away! If the truth hurts, maybe we are on the wrong side of it.?

I hope you found this blog to be helpful, if so join us and please feel free to leave a comment. God Bless Us Everyone. ☺