Personal
problems/Guilt, Doubt and Shame!
Laurie
Jackson 8/25/2012
So
I’m not sure if this will be a blog or rather a ventilation system for my
issues today as writing to myself usually helps me navigate through my toxic emotions
and as a result, siphon them out altogether.
I
was chatting with a friend recently that had just gotten back from marriage
counseling and I said without any doubt at all that I didn’t think we had “marriage” problems but rather we all
had “PERSONAL PROBLEMS!” Their
reply was simply that their counselor said something very similar. I didn’t need confirmation about my own
insight but it did feel reassuring that my friend had a counselor that is
getting to the core issues and I believe they will do very well.
That
particular day I was feeling quite irritated at my husband and I KNEW it was “all”
due to my own issues. I then
jokingly exposed myself and my toxic attitude to my friends and took two stuff
animals sitting on the floor and said this is me and this is my husband and I
took my personified animal and proceeded to punch and hit my husbands
personified stuffed animal in the face repeatedly! That actually made the point more effective and included a
comedic edge that we all so desperately need.
The
toxic emotions I am dealing with today are three fold; guilt, doubt and shame. If you have read many of my blogs you
know that I believe in God through Jesus Christ and surely have mentioned the
Holy Spirit a time or two.
God
has led me to do things for people that I would normally never do like clean
dirty houses, bring homeless people to my home, spend time with murders, drug
addicts and rapists on a regular basis. Every time I’ve followed or follow the
Holy Spirit’s leading I am ALWAYS blessed, at peace and have a deep, strong
desire to do these things. Albeit I have had fear accompany some of the things
God has asked me to do, His peace always surpasses my understanding. I love listening to the Holy Spirit
cause He’s ALWAYS right!
My
toxic emotions today are NOT of God and because I don’t have a counselor to
talk to today I’ve been conversing with the greatest counselor I’m ever going
to have, The Holy Spirit. I am
assured and have no doubt that these emotions I’m feeling are indeed
toxic. I am also feeling led to
write because often this is how the Holy Spirit will speak wisdom and truth to
me and almost every time, like clock work, this brings me to the place of
freedom that is rightly mine because of the precious blood of Jesus and His
gift of the Holy Spirit He has freely given to me.
To
say that freedom is rightly mine, took many years of healing and learning about
Gods power that supersedes any good deeds I could ever do. So today I can receive this truth with
gladness and ease. Although it was
a long time before I really understood grace. I’m thinking today He will be giving me more of the same teaching about
how His Spirit operates and more truth about His grace.
So
many people need a revelation of grace.
I believe today grace will be the only opposing force to these toxic
emotions.
So
let’s open up the first toxin, Guilt:
Guilt
is the opposite of God’s grace. It
is full of pride and thinks it can earn good standing with God. Good standing with God comes through
Christ alone. (Really I’m hearing all this for me and if I do share this
blog/journal… God must make it clear as this is quite revealing) Guilt also
attempts to accuse you of things you should do. Guilt “shoulds on you!” We shouldn’t “SHOULD” ON OURSELVES! I’ve always liked that one ‘cause it
feels like real cussing and sometimes cussing is fun! Guilt is not of God and can often be disguised in the
religious circles as “conviction.”
This is very misguiding because as a follower of Jesus Christ, when I
have conviction, I am never CONFUSED about it but when there is GUILT, there is
ALWAYS confusion that whispers in
your ear! (Maybe I will share this because that right there is freeing me and I
know its God helping me out) How true
is this? I must remember this
myself. I’ll just copy and paste
it so we can all read it again k. This is very misguiding because as a follower
of Jesus Christ, when I have True conviction, I am never CONFUSED about it but when
there is GUILT, there is ALWAYS confusion that whispers in your ear!
DOUBT:
Doubt
comes from lack of trust in God’s ways and love for us. Some doubt is absolutely necessary as
we must grow in our faith and doubt propels us to wrestle with the truth until
it becomes clear. Other doubt is
like a dart from the enemy; let’s call him Satan! I believe God uses our enemy to make our faith stronger. Again, we must wrestle with doubt when
the arrows come flying and this makes us aware of the battle and the truth
gets more solidified after a good battle with our enemy. We end up knowing better how to fight
battles that will come again and we get wiser at identifying the enemy’s
tactics. So be glad when your
faith is tested cause it’s a good thing!
James 1:2-4 says it best. “Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you
face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops
perseverance and perseverance must finish it’s work in you so you may be mature
and complete, not lacking anything.”
I love How God doesn’t want us to lack in any of His peaceful, fruitful
life giving sap!
Shame:
Shame
must always include other people because it’s based on how others see us. It is overly concerned with what
everyone else is doing and thinking about us. This is an area that can go way deep if you’ve come from a
sexually abused background or other types of abuse. Being a victim is what Shame’s job is. Shame counters everything Jesus did on
the cross and if you have shame you shouldn’t feel ashamed about that! I’m so serious! If shame causes you to cower from
God’s face, you will never get the only power that can heal a shame filled
person. This is definitely the
enemy’s tactic!!!! Shame longs to
fill up the isolated empty feelings of a wounded person. Shame is the counterfeit to God’s pure
love and acceptance. Most often,
Shame will blame God, (the very power that can obliterate it) thereby keeping
the person shackled in shame forever!
I’ve seen this countless times in my own life and as I’ve helped
others in their lives.
The
only remedy for all this is “Revelation” and as I’ve written about each toxic
emotion, God again, of course, like always and on numerous occasions has quite
literally set me free! J
A
few more insights about God’s ways that I’ve noticed as a follow of Jesus
Christ are:
1) Following God can make you
look good to some and almost evil and unloving to others.
2) Following God requires faith
and most often you won’t understand why He is asking you to do a thing or Not
asking you to do a thing until much later. Maybe we won't understand until heaven. I have yet to experience this as I’m still waiting for this
"one thing" I believe He asked me to do to be a little clearer.
3) Following God may surpass
your own wisdom about a persons needs.
I know that when he does not give me the desire, strength or leading to
“help” out a particular person, I find out much later, the answer to WHY he seemed
to withhold my “Help”… Help may not look like Help to God. Sometimes a person needs you to only be
“out” of the picture. This is why
it’s important to understand the above about Guilt, doubt and shame. When we
get in Gods way, it just takes more time for him to do what He’s doing.
4) Following God always brings
about the fruit of peace. NOT
peace around you but peace inside you and the two are VERY different as we can
see in the gospels of Jesus Christ.
I’ve decided to share this as I’m NOT
ashamed of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and or how he is working this all out in
myself. Thank you for observing,
participating and or enjoying this sometimes-difficult journey with me today!
