INSTANT ITIMACEY: By Laurie Jackson 4/23/2010
Instant intimacy in any relationship is not real or authentic intimacy. It is a fake and somewhat like, prostitution of the soul. When a person tells all about themselves the first time they meet you, be cautious because this person will have issues with setting healthy relationship boundaries and a person who can not set healthy boundaries for themselves will not be able to extend healthy boundaries for others. This is very important in regard to possessing healthy and satisfying relationships.
Yes God knows us perfectly. But we don’t know “Him” perfectly and in any other mere human relationship it would be irrational to presume instant intimacy.
The idea of “Instant Intimacy” and not possessing healthy boundaries is very much promoted when people put a demand on themselves or even others to Trust God immediately about something. To trust anyone is a process. God does not “demand” that we trust Him. He asks us to trust Him and He will invest in the relationship as much or as little as we choose. This idea that we MUST trust God is submerged with the “Instant Intimacy” issue.
We also can’t demand Love. Loving someone comes from relationship. I can love someone that I don’t know based on my own understanding and “experience” in relational Loving. Yet, I cannot demand them to love me and nor would I ever want to. Would you? Having healthy relationships requires at least one person to have realistic boundaries. Typically this issue attracts others that struggle in this same area. Children that are raised in abusive homes generally don’t know how to set healthy boundaries
I’m blogging about this because it is a huge problem and is being promoted in many aspects but the one that seems inappropriate is in your typical church atmosphere. To just tell someone to trust God or even to trust instantly in him/her is based on an unrealistic expectation. This seems to be more prevalent in the Pentecostal arena, that we are to INSTANTLY TRUST GOD. I'm learning about good boundaries right now and these thoughts came to mind.
“Instant intimacy” is not real... its irrational thinking... it is based on fakeness.... Like prostitution is a fantasy. We see this so much in sermons... and the little conversations in bible studies and in the halls of the churches...Just Trust God!!!.... To really trust a person is not instant. It’s based on a real relationship... of course when you get to know God for "reals". You more then likely will trust Him as you progress on the journey. He tends to prove Himself trustworthy. :) ... But there is so much missed if we embrace this “instant intimacy” theology. Real, authentic and healthy relationships take time and a great marriage takes a lifetime ☺
If we don't know how to have healthy boundaries for ourselves we cannot extend healthy boundaries into our relationships. People who don't know they are allowed to have boundaries, or if they feel guilty, fearful and insecure about even suggesting a person has over stepped their boundaries, are most always from the abuse cycle... this is all interrelated... only knowing victimization and not having any other skills will set you up for a lot of relationally challenged living.
Worship sessions in church sometimes can be so intimate and I'm just not sure if NOW is the time to Worship with this kind of intimacy with each other.... We are not that close normally... so why do we get together; spill our guts... and as a worship leader myself... I think about how I was up on the platform being so intimate with God in front of so many people. It seems like I allowed everyone to just watch me get undressed... It is so gross to me now...
If I am stirring you up, more then likely you have these same issues. It is extremely challenging to come to the realization that so much of how you’ve lived has been completely dysfunctional and just wrong. This instant intimacy way unfortunately continues and promotes the dysfunctional, abusive and unhealthy families in our world today.
Thankfully, God can reveal His truth with grace, mercy and strength to re-think our ways and give us courage to change.
Please do comment. It may lead to a great discussion. ☺
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Laurie, while you make some good points, I have to disagree with the outlook you have taken on leading worship. To say that allowing others to see your intimacy with God is now gross to you, is doing a disservice to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is there to minister to all of us, in a healthy way, and the beauty is that He has put that calling on you to be an example. To be His instrument, to show others who cannot believe without seeing. Laurie, they may not know what intimacy looks like because it was NEVER modeled for them at home. You and your "nakedness" is a blessing for all of us. Please don't let it affect you negatively, to me Satan has thrown some weapons in your direction.
ReplyDeleteWho knows, perhaps I have never known what intimacy looks like, but in the times I have worshipped with you, I KNOW the Holy Spirit has been there, brought there by your prayers and petitions, the musical gifts He has given you, and most especially by your intimacy with our Lord.
Don't lose that Laurie, it's extremely hard to get back. I know because it's now gone for me, if I ever had it to begin with.
With Love in Christ,
Terri Kiggans
Terri, I really understand what you are saying. I hear you very clear. I agree that God used it all for Good, because that is His promise. Anything taken to the extreme is not so good. This article I wrote isn't meant for any extreme... this way or that way... sometimes is was pure anointing and some times very mixed with emotion and eradic thinking that God intended all along to heal down the road. I don't regret any part of my life.. When God heals us we tend to not go back to exactly how it was.. but He always keeps the good stuff.. as for your comment about not getting it back... my thoughts to you is what I heard God telling me in the time of dryness, wilderness or whatever you may want to call it.... wait... wait... and wait... He is doing a deeper healing and there is a means to the end.. with greater joy.. and a more Christ -like mind... love you sister/friend.. thank you for your great insight and for sharing your heart.. I love your heart.. :)
ReplyDeleteI always struggled with the concept of expecting to instantly trust God...just doesn't make sense. He is the one who is the builder of that trust within our relationship with Him and it takes time. Thanks for sharing this Laurie!
ReplyDeleteThanks Shannon... I'm loving the God journey pod casts because they say it so well.. that it's a journey.. :) glad you liked it...
ReplyDeleteLaurie, This is a comment I wrote today on FB and it was suggested that I read your blog. It was an observation I made after seeing posts of "worship" that is bordering on nauseating.
ReplyDelete"Is it something wrong with me...when I see how some people describe their "worship" and the feelings being enacted, it almost seem like I'm being let in on a person being physically intimate with a lover? Or if I'm being honest... With themselves. Just doesn't seem decent sometimes. More sensual than spiritual."
you know, I got a lot of comments on this particular blog and they all made me think about what I wrote and why. maybe I can find you on face book... one thought I can share is that someone mentioned... didn't David take his clothes off? Got to think'n about that and realized God didn't care that David actually undressed... God loved HIs heart... and I know He loved my heart when I was spill'n my guts up there.. it was very real for me... I can't say my heart for God has changed but my heart about "doing it" up there in front of God and all HIs people HAS changed.. for now anyway... I'll try to find you on fb... you can find me at russlaur91@gci.net let's chat about this.. :)
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