Today started out to be a very discouraging day. I immediately called on the loving, wise and trusted friends that I consider pure gifts from God himself. Of course they came through, they ALWAYS do. If I've learned one thing, it's to ask for help. We all need it. The rich and famous, the wise and learned need it just as much as the poor and desolate. I’ve tried to help numerous home-less people and I’ve learned so much from “all” types. One thing I’m realizing is that “Shame” or the lie that we are the only ones that ever feel bad is what disables us to ask for help. We are all in need of courage because we all struggle with FEAR. The opposite of fear is love and the only thing that counter- acts our fears and insecurities, is the presence of Love. A friend that can help you embrace "courage" while facing the fears that you may be struggling with on any given day is a must have! This is love in action or rather, in deed! Barbara Streisand sang it best…. PEOPLE… PEOPLE WHO NEED PEOPLE ARE THE LUCKIEST PEOPLE. In the world. I can’t help myself, I love her! I’m not talking about being codependent or having toxic relationships. I’m speaking from a healthy relational stance on all of this.
If I'm not in need of "encouragement," I end up being the encourager. Being an encourager usually inspires the very person dishing it out. So never feel bad for asking, because when people help people, this gives life to everyone involved. “Paying it forward” is really what's going on here. The energy of life or rather Love itself permeates everything and everyone. Vulnerability means you have the power and strength in you to be wounded. To be honest with yourself and a few others “that you can trust,” is so freeing. I’ve had to learn the hard way to not trust everyone. I believe if we follow our hearts in this area or our “gut feelings” we’ll usually be accurate. You don’t have to tell everything to everyone. Again, I’ve come from the school of hard knocks here. J
What are we afraid of? I'll name a few, and I'm sure I'll miss a bunch here. We are afraid of losing and or being less then. We are afraid of not accomplishing our dreams. We’re afraid of being sad and lonely. Everyone I’ve ever known is or has been afraid that they’ve messed up their future from their past mistakes. We all fear not having our needs met. Everyone is afraid of pain, failure or even being the cause of another person’s pain. We are afraid of being afraid!
About a year ago, I made a list of people that I believe God had “planted” to be an important part of my life. I wrote a note to myself and categorized them in groups. I know I know it's starting to sound weird here. But let me explain. My therapy program suggested this! You see, when we feel down, we don't think rationally and as clear as usual. So I had to "remember" who to call and that I indeed had a vast reservoir of friends whom I could trust my heart with. I also used this list to remind me to “invest” in these particular friendships. Sounds contrived and fake? Not my motive at all. I just kept getting in a slump and staying there. It works both ways. All my friends call me when they are down too, and or happy. J
We need a “variety” of people in our lives. The healthiest human beings have numerous connections to many different types of people. This doesn't mean to have tons of acquaintances or fans, but rather close friendships that you can honestly trust your heart with and invest back into their lives as well.
Another healthy aspect of relationships that I’ve been learning about is that you need more then one, two or even three good friends because “one” person can not meet all of your needs and vice versa. All of us have different gifts to offer each other. I have friends that I love to laugh with. I have certain people I can call on for wisdom. Some friends are more gifted in the heart issues of life and some are better at helping you with logical, more concrete problem solving. When I began to be mindful to the supportive community of people that were just naturally placed around me, I realized how good I had it. I think it’s important to start looking, investing and even asking God to show you who He has “given” you. Again this works “both” ways. I am much more “available” to these relationships now, from just simply being aware and more in-tuned to the others around me.
Having Healthy relationships doesn’t seem to be that easy for some of us. I think it is very similar to spiritual or physical health. You either learned it well from your up bringing, you didn’t learn it at all or you learned how to be “crazy as hell.” J At any rate, all types of health can be learned. We are amazing human beings. The more I know myself, appreciate my strengths and learn from my own weakness’, the more I adore and see how magnificent the people around me are. I suppose healthy relationships start with having a healthy one with you. Give yourself Love and the encouragement you need by asking others for help. This enables us to better encourage others as well. I LOVE PEOPLE!
Enjoying the Journey, the ride and sometimes what seems like a rickety old roller coaster. With love, Laurie
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